mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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