omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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