At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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