Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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