Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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