Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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