"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize