i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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