I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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