That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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