I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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