We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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