Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize