thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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