But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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