Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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