I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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