my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize