Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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