if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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