I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
be right there i have to get my cape
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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