i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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