She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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