Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Enjoy the penises
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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