guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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