those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize