my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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