fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
id be glad to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize