then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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