I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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