my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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