U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize