I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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