you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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