I skipped work to stalk him.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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