My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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