i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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