areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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