Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bring me that man meat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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