thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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