Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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