I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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