i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize