Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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