sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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