I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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