there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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