I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The air was thick with penises
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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