So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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