the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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